


And The Shadows Of Those Dreams

by Ratt9



Series: What Dreams Do Shadows Dream? [2]
Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Corpses, Drama, Fear, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Haunting, Horror, Insanity, Internal Conflict, M/M, Obsession, Psychological Drama, Psychological Horror, Suicide, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 00:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5986411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratt9/pseuds/Ratt9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's pitch black in the room, and that is why Light is not yet terrified—it is one thing to have foolishly convinced his mind that there might possibly be something hiding in the dark of which to be frightened, but it is another matter entirely to prove without a doubt that there is a deranged, walking corpse stalking about in Light's bedroom. </p>
<p>Still, Light cannot seem to rid the image from his mind of L coming for him. L, with his body of decaying, maggot-infested flesh and his gaping, black hole mouth that sucks in each pungent breath like a vacuum. It's the type of thing that only the living should do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The Shadows Of Those Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stormygio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormygio/gifts).



> Originally published July 18, 2012. I edited this today, so it's not quite the same version as the one up on Fanfiction.net. I'm not very sure whether I like it or not. I hope you enjoy, though!

_**And The Shadows Of Those Dreams** _

* * *

Rem's death note.

When Light sees inside for himself the word that killed L, it takes everything he has to retain his model-teen composure. It is a beautifully awful moment when Light discovers that L's most brilliant mask was not actually a mask at all, and Light isn't sure whether he wants to hit his head against a wall or burst into hysterical laughter.

Yes, he decides, it is a word that killed L. With all of L's different identities and aliases and personas and _deceptions_ , Light knows that the detective has never, _ever_ thought of himself as L _._  He's probably never thought of himself as  _anything_.

Behind him, a Shinigami cackles loudly in Light's place, and the sound is chillingly familiar.

_A_ _fter all this time, I can't believe that fucking bastard used his real name_.

* * *

Light knows it will make him sound crazy, especially to himself, but one night he swears to see L lurking in the shadows of his bedroom. It's the one they used to share, once upon a time.

And, just as it was back then, it is filled with the sound of L's _breathing._

( _Don't be ridiculous, Light-kun. Corpses don't breathe._ )

It's pitch black in the room, and that is why Light is not yet terrified—it is one thing to have foolishly convinced his mind that there might possibly be something hiding in the dark of which to be frightened, but it is another matter entirely to prove without a doubt that there is a deranged, walking corpse stalking about in Light's bedroom.

Still, Light cannot seem to rid the image from his mind of L coming for him. L, with his body of decaying, maggot-infested flesh and his gaping, black hole mouth that sucks in each pungent breath like a vacuum. It's the type of thing that only the living should do.

The only thing Light knows right now is the quiet, rasping sound that may as well be as loud as a police siren, and the silently-shifting figure in the corner opposite the bed—only the slightest bit blacker than the black already surrounding them _(him_ , not _them—Light is the only one here)—_ that seems to vanish entirely from the room just before the sun has a chance to come up and prove to Light once and for all that he is being ridiculous, and that keeping himself awake all night just so that he can have a staring contest with a spot on the wall had been in itself entirely unnecessary.

* * *

 In broad daylight, out of the corners of his eyes, Light constantly finds himself catching glimpses of what looks like L, though it obviously couldn't be. The dead don't come back to life.

_The dead don't come back to life._

The words repeat themselves over and over again in his mind until they become a mantra.

Light doesn't see the detective's reflection in glass objects and mirrors. No, those are the only places where he _doesn't_ see it.

It might be the most frightening thing of all that something resembling L is being constantly reflected on walls and other things that _can't physically reflect anything._

Light never dares to bring up anything on the matter to the task force members, because that would make him sound even crazier than he feels. And anyway, they're so predictably easy to read that he can tell with a fair amount of certainty that none of them have seen or heard, anything at all.

L probably would have noticed, if he were still alive.

* * *

Light comes to the only possible logical conclusion he can make one night, the conclusion that he is losing his mind, because L is in his bedroom _right now_. Light can't see him, but Light knows the detective is somehow there because the bastard is whispering in his ear.

L whispers to him words that chill Light to the bone—the types of things to which he cannot seem to find a proper response. Things to which there should not be a proper response.

Yet, whenever he tries to remember what exactly it is being said, his mind draws a blank, like trying to remember something that is said in a dream.

However, he does know that they are not words between Light and Ryuzaki. No, these are most certainly words between L and Kira. The two are so, so _similar_ —they're almost the same person—and sometimes Light wonders whether they've been damned to the same hell.

But, Kira is not afraid. Not of anyone, and especially not of L. After all, this enemy has already fallen once.

And so, when L whispers unspeakable things to an ear that Light only _wishes_ were deaf, Kira whispers right back at him with his own words of blasphemy. All the while, of course, mocking Light for his pathetic weaknesses.

It is Kira who is in charge, now. Kira thinks that it would be best if he is simply in charge from now on, and Light is no longer loud enough to give any sort of effective protest.

* * *

Light gives in to Kira because he has always known he would eventually, because even though Light maybe isn't innocent, he still aims to make the world a better place and he still aims to make a positive difference in the lives of everyone on earth and he's still _Light_ , but _Light_ is not someone who can fearlessly challenge his worst enemy once more to a game of wits, because his worst enemy is some kind of decaying, incorporeal _corpse._ And it is not Kira but Light who recognizes that the only real thing decaying anywhere approaching their proximity is his own mental state, a truth that Kira is blind to because of his refusal to accept, or to even consider the possibility.

But no, Kira is perfect, because Kira is _god._

* * *

Compared to Light's terrifying brilliance, the members of the task force are all really quite dim-witted. They must be, if they can't even smell his brain rotting from the inside-out. Certainly, a condition so awfully, cripplingly _tragic_ doesn't just happen quietly, without noticeable, physical changes.

* * *

When Light is not looking, Kira climbs into his hollow, hollow bones and offers to give Light everything he's ever dreamed of. Kira really is skilled at manipulation, but it isn't going to work on Light because he has _been_ Kira, so he _knows_.

And besides, everything Light has ever dreamed is a murderous, raving corpse and human bones are not meant to be so _hollow_.

"You are not who I ever wanted to become," Light snarls, one day when he is sick of not showing any resistance. Something in the very deep corners of Light's mind, he understands that he is trying to engage in an argument with, quite literally, himself. Maybe that's like running after something that is physically impossible to ever, ever catch, but at least he's doing something because if he just stands around, Kira is going to take over the world with all of the wrong ideals.

Light hopes that he looks more determined not to back down than he actually feels. The truth is, Kira is always so _tempting_ , because Kira is just so right and so capable and he's _god_ , and Light does his best not to look too concerned about the fact that by standing up to Kira he might be throwing away his entire dream. Of course, Kira sees through it all and laughs right in his face.

In an instant, Light wonders when he has become such a poor actor, and somewhere inside his head, a voice that is not quite loud enough for him to hear tells Light that the reason Kira can see through everything he does is because Light and Kira are _the same goddamn person._

* * *

Somewhere, everywhere, logic is scattered about the ground and lives in the dust that has been left behind. But even that doesn't matter anymore, because L's rain _(yes, it is L's rain, now)_ has washed away all the excitement from his world. Those moments where he can feel it is when Light realizes that this Kira isn't technically even a god, and he does have weakness.

The weakness is himself, Light has come to accept. Light knows that if _he_ dies, there will be nothing left of the so-called god living inside him, either.

_(Strike while the head still wears the crown, right?)_

Right. After all, what is a moment worth?

_Everything_ is what Light tells himself as he plunges the knife deep within his chest, deep deep deep deep—the ultimate self-sacrifice to prevent Kira from gaining international dictatorship over the world.

For a moment, the only thought, the _only single thought_ Light's ruined, imperfect brain manages to formulate is "Oh my fucking god _it hurts_."

And then the instant is over, and the instant passes by as though it bumps into blown-up chunks of Light's mind on its way out. These bumps seem to jump-start his brain, and suddenly Light is hit with a whole, deafening cacophony of fragmented thoughts that he can't seem to control or stop or even comprehend. He is dying, just as L did before him, only this time there is no one to hold him as the world dies all around him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
